The Vatican Observer
July 1514

Companionship and Conversation

My dear friends, remember this: the Justice of God is sometimes visited in delayed or even disguised fashion, but it never, never fails to manifest itself. Our repentance and self-denial may serve to delay it, perhaps happily until the pain of Purgatory, but never deters it. More often, however, it visits us here, to offer us the chance for repentance or ruin.

Allow me the example of a familiar, sad figure, friends: that of young Marco Armani. You may recall, dear friend, that Signor Armani spent the majority of last month in folly - namely, the pursuit of the attentions of several notable court companions whose attentions had previously been directed elsewhere. After failing to distract Monica from the absent Deacon (now Fr.) Giovanni Speranza, Armani seems to have triumphed by drawing the dear, lovely Anna away from Lucio Malvezzo. Thus, at the end of last month, Signor Armani's folly seemed to leave him triumphant, to our dismay, with an opportunity for justice waiting in the forms of Fr. Speranza and Signor Malvezzo.

There is much precedent, my friends, for a wronged party to be the instrument of Justice. Think, for example, of David, wrongly accused by King Saul, becoming the ultimate end of that failed king. Likewise, friends. Signor Malvezzo became the hand of wrath upon Signor Armani, prevailing in a debate upon the subject of "Manners Maketh the Man." Another, better writer may elaborate on that event. After his defeat, Signor Armani attempted to screw up his pride and visited the Celian with Anna. However, he could not seem to stray from the topic of Signor Malvezzo, which drove Anna at first to drink heavily, and then, finally, with a heartfelt cry, to declare her disgust with Armani's jealousy & pettiness, after which she departed, leaving Armani alone and duly shamed. Within two weeks, friends, Malvezzo had found Anna, and their relationship had resumed, in purity and good fruit, as it had left off in the prior month.

And what, then of Armani? Friends, the very same week that Anna repented of her folly and returned to conversation with Malvezzo, Armani was found, quite drunk, under a table at the Celian, mumbling constantly and incoherently, the very picture of a defeated, humbled man. Friends, should you see Signor Armani, extend a hand to him in kindness and join me in imploring him: "Turn now, Marco, back to the path of true happiness and abandon your pride: for, in the hour of Justice, we find God's Mercy, and a chance to be planted anew in the halls of Zion, a good fruit once again."

Until the next, friends.

Discourses

Regular readers will recall the last month's sad tale of how Marco Armani chose to spend his days pursuing women of known social connection by appeal to their baser instincts. Having been rebuffed by the wise Monica he moved on with perhaps more haste than judgement to attempting to win himself the confidence of the equally well connected Anna. Not, as you may recall, by plying her with notable works of literature or by presenting himself as a man of influence, rather by purchasing for her a fine pair of shoes and so appealing to her womanly vanity.

In this base ploy he was notably successful, being invited into her home and who knows where else? The damage to this pious woman's reputation cannot be overstated.

And so it happens that Sig. Armani's competitor in matters artistic, Lucio Malvezzo, took umbrage on Anna's behalf and challenged Sig. Armani to debate in traditional fashion. Sig. Malvezzo had himself been a noted friend and companion to Anna and until this display of unseeming conduct had counted himself among her closest friends.

The chosen matter for debate was the proposal that manners maketh the man, in the circumstances arguably a most topical choice. Sig. Armani opened proceedings by proposing that a man's inner nature was well reflected in his outer manner, such that a man of noble spirit would most commonly also have noble bearing. This point he followed with a witticism to the effect that this being so by purchasing beautiful shoes for Anna he was merely assisting the world in perceiving the beauty of her inner nature. Sadly, those gathered seemed little persuaded by this proposal and not especially amused by the subsequent remark, perhaps sensing this Sig. Armani pressed swiftly on to fresher and more fertile ground.

This ground was seeded with the further proposition from Sig. Armani that by his intemperate conduct in calling for the debate Sig. Malvezzo had shown that he himself lacked manners and as such it was small surprise he was arguing that they did not make the man. As the crowd nodded agreement Sig. Malvezzo riposted with a cutting remark to the effect that there was equally no surprise that a man obsessed with manners would consider shoes an appropriate gift for a woman of letters, for while he could not understand her wit he could at least admire the manner in which she carried it. Although laughter greeted this remark, most agreed that Sig. Armani had the best of the exchange and in employing logic rather than wit had shown well enough he was not merely an empty pot, seeming pleasing on the outside but vacant within.

Sig. Malvezzo, perhaps fearing defeat, next attempted to argue that in purchasing the shoes Sig. Armani's designs had more to do with an interest in her inner parts than her inner nature. Noting the gasps of the crowd, and perhaps realising he had gone too far in this sally, he was left speechless as Sig. Armani launched a series of well timed witticisms and examples of Sig. Malvezzo's boorish conduct. Although initially it seemed Sig. Armani by this ploy had won the occasion, it soon became apparent that in fact the sympathies of his listeners were moving to Sig. Malvezzo, butt of so many barbed jests. An uneasy silence settled, the arbiters of the debate uncertain whether to laugh at Sig. Malvezzo's discomfort or deplore the increasingly vicious tone of the discussion. At this juncture, Sig. Malvezzo gathered once more his spirits and commented acidly that by showing so much wit of such low content Sig. Armani had shown himself to quite lack manners, and so by his own light to be no sort of man. This was seen as fair comment in light of the many aspersions Sig. Malvezzo had now suffered and as such it was adjudged that the debate was his. As those assembled departed, however, some were heard to comment that though he had won the debate it was Sig. Malvezzo's reputation which had taken the most damage as the jests of Sig. Armani at his expense were sure to be common currency within the week.

Men of the Cloth

The continuing negotiations between the Pope and Louis XII, King of France, have reached a point of near collapse. To refer to the session as a debacle would not do justice to the severity of the situation. In brief, the entire hierarchy of the Delegation has been recalled and shall face charges of Gross Incompetence. Such charges are not made lightly, for the penalties are indeed frightful. The Delegation Leader, Cardinal EnCinque, who has strived to maintain the position dictated to him by the Pope will undoubtedly be stripped of his position, estates, and be ordered to undertake a mission of some danger to himself. The Alliance Leader and both Coalition Leaders will face similar fates, if they are fortunate, and His Holiness treats their incompetent actions with the most merciful of attitudes.

One may blame the heat, the temptations of the French Court, or any number of extraneous elements for the disastrous outcome of the past month's efforts. However, most reliable reports indicate that a change in the diplomatic posture of the Delegation and the brilliance of the Comte de Mercury's entourage in exploiting this new approach are the two causes for the shameful outcome.

Our readers will hopefully recall the actions last month of the lay cleric Stefano Zanetti working with the Papal Scholars. This fine man's most impassioned and honest rhetoric, which forced the French Delegation to ask for a recess, was cast aside. The simple and forceful argument was abandoned for a convoluted presentation which no one will now take credit or responsibility for proposing. It is also obvious that none of the Delegation recalled that the "Philosopher Comte" was also a soldier of great skill, having fought with distinction at the battle of Ravenna. Being adept in both rhetoric and the art of war, the learned Comte seized every opportunity to discredit he arguments presented.

The Leadership presented the argument that temporal authority was not an excuse for usurping the authority of the Holy Church. The Comte listened calmly before replying that the very word "excuse" was entirely misused and inappropriate. Such a word indicated an error, a misdeed, had either occurred or was contemplated by King Louis. Was it not the Papacy who had allied itself with the Emperor Maximilian, King Henry, and King Ferdinand against France? So fell the Leadership.

The Borgia faction was allowed to speak next. Bishop EnDuo did little to rectify the situation. Canon EnFour returned to the simple form of the previous month and fared much better in the ensuing debate. Deacon Gagliardi found his voice this month and continued the argument of Canon EnFour. For his efforts he was most favourably mentioned in the reports submitted by the Borgia faction. All others, two Priests and a Deacon, were humiliated as they attempted to expound upon the point of temporal power.

Padre de Gregori of the Farnese faction was acting as adviser to the leader of the Third faction and did not speak. His advice was duly noted and favourably mentioned in reports. Padre Speranza acting as faction leader comprehended the futility of continuing the approved position and instead stated that the collaboration of the Holy Church and every Christian Kingdom and Principality should be the goal. For this fresh approach the young priest was given a modest reward.

The Doria-Pamfili faction presented another element of the new approach. The King did not have the authority to interfere with the revenues due to the Church. A member of the Comte's entourage first asked where such an idea had arisen? He then proceeded with a series of rhetorical questions in a similar vein. All but one of the faction's Canons were humiliated. To respond to such questions would only have been provocative.

The most learned Bishop of the Gonzaga faction returned to the direct and simple colloquy and fared well. The less experienced members of the faction were at a loss, and provided no supporting evidence. Again, all suffered humiliation.

The Missionary faction suffered grievously in their attempt to present the third part of the revised argument. The Comte quickly disposed of the proposition that the Pope anointed the King and thus must do all in his power to protect and expand the authority of the Holy Church. He continued by asserting that it was not by the prerogative of he Pope, but by the will of Our Lord that Louis was King by Divine Right. Nonetheless, the faction members persisted until the Comte delivered the final blow, which was to state that if such power were invested in the Church it could select any man and anoint him King. This, in turn, would create such civil strife that it could not, and would not be condoned by any King.

Only Deacon Penaccini survived this attack by returning to the traditional doctrine that the Church must recognize the Divine Right of Kings and act in a manner that supported the rightful Ruler. For this, the Deacon was mentioned favourably and given a modest reward, whilst Captain di Miteli, who had worked furiously to provide Deacon Penaccini with materials which supported the traditional doctrine, was promoted to Major.

The Papal Scholars did not perform well, the preparation of so much new and diverse material having taxed them greatly. Despite this, the redoubtable research skills of Stefano Zanetti were sufficient to bring him a modest reward.

Unsurprisingly, the French were not moved to make gifts to the Papal Delegation. Consequently, the rewards given to those men mentioned above were provided by the Papal coffers.

Reports indicate that a new Leadership team has already been dispatched. It consists of Cardinal N.Quintus, Patriarch EnSextus, Bishop EnTria for the Third, and Bishop EnFive for the Fifth.

Positions Vacant

Secretary to Giulio de' Medici
Assistant to the Secretary to the Pope
Trooper of the Papal Escort

Upcoming Debates

MA v GS (scheduled for September 1514)